To save or to toss? Why is it so hard to decide sometimes?
I'm in the middle of sorting again, looking through a box full of projects and crafts I had planned to do with the kids. I haven't touched it since last summer. What do I do with it? Will I really use it if I keep it?
On the one hand I feel hopeful that I will figure out how to fit the activities into our daily schedule. What a good way to spend time with my kids, right? On the other hand, just looking at it I feel sad. Disappointed. Even a little bit guilty. I had such high hopes last fall to spend more time doing this kind of stuff with Katelin and Seth, and I feel remorse that I've had this stuff all along and we haven't been pulling it out -- utilizing the activities as an opportunity to be together. I'm torn. The box represents my best intentions to sit down, teach my kids and spend time with them.
On the one hand I feel hopeful that I will figure out how to fit the activities into our daily schedule. What a good way to spend time with my kids, right? On the other hand, just looking at it I feel sad. Disappointed. Even a little bit guilty. I had such high hopes last fall to spend more time doing this kind of stuff with Katelin and Seth, and I feel remorse that I've had this stuff all along and we haven't been pulling it out -- utilizing the activities as an opportunity to be together. I'm torn. The box represents my best intentions to sit down, teach my kids and spend time with them.
But....
If I do let it go, maybe I'll be free of the guilt. Free of the weight and the quiet suspicion that I am not doing enough... that I am not enough.
I know deep down that I am enough... without the boxes, without the projects. So why is it so hard to let it all go?
1 comment:
Because we have such high expectations for ourselves. I so get it. As for Katelin's note, yesterday, Rachel said I had "brokeded" her heart.
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