Saturday, March 12, 2011

Why is it so hard?

To save or to toss? Why is it so hard to decide sometimes?

I'm in the middle of sorting again, looking through a box full of projects and crafts I had planned to do with the kids. I haven't touched it since last summer. What do I do with it? Will I really use it if I keep it?

On the one hand I feel hopeful that I will figure out how to fit the activities into our daily schedule. What a good way to spend time with my kids, right? On the other hand, just looking at it I feel sad. Disappointed. Even a little bit guilty. I had such high hopes last fall to spend more time doing this kind of stuff with Katelin and Seth, and I feel remorse that I've had this stuff all along and we haven't been pulling it out -- utilizing the activities as an opportunity to be together.
I'm torn. The box represents my best intentions to sit down, teach my kids and spend time with them.

But....

If I do let it go, maybe I'll be free of the guilt. Free of the weight and the quiet suspicion that I am not doing enough... that I am not enough.

I know deep down that I am enough... without the boxes, without the projects. So why is it so hard to let it all go?

1 comment:

Christina said...

Because we have such high expectations for ourselves. I so get it. As for Katelin's note, yesterday, Rachel said I had "brokeded" her heart.