Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Missing You!

My former self - Taken sometime in 2004

Sometimes I feel homesick. Not for family or mountains or snow (though I do miss them all at times), but homesick for my former self, the person I was before I was Mom. You know, that gal who taught school, read books, joined writing classes, played the piano, went hiking, and took up mountain biking, and sometimes had the time to just sit and think. It's not that she is gone, but she is busy at the moment, and so some of the things that used to completely define her sit on hold, waiting for the time when they will be useful again.

Here is a list of a few things I miss about her life:

  1. Spending hours working on a school project or teaching unit - developing it, studying it, planning it

  2. Reading poetry (here is a good one, because poetry is short enough that if I think about it I can still fit it in).

  3. Voice lessons - I'm not a solo singer, but I took voice lessons from a crazy kid in college named Nicholas who had hips like a girl. His voice often drowned mine and it was hard to learn when you mostly listened to someone else during lessons. Still, I had fun trying.

  4. Playing George Gershwin. Okay, I haven't played much George Gershwin, but I always wanted to sit down and dedicate myself to learning some of my favorites from him. I took piano lessons from a woman named Chiyo Honma who was much more interested in classical music than in Gershwin.

  5. Dancing. I specifically remember walking home from a ballroom dance class when I was in college and feeling soooo good. Something about music and moving just brings a lot of joy. Of course, our dancing sessions in the living room are equally rewarding.

The funny thing is that all of those things could probably be incorporated into my life as a mother if I made it happen, but then the today-self has a lot of new interests, and I'm short on free time, so it's a matter of priorities. Besides, I'm pretty sure George Gershwin and his music will still be around in a few years when my children are a bit more independent. And I plan on living a long time.


Amber said...

I'm surprised you still remember yourself. I saw some books on sale at Sam's Club yesterday and thought,"I used to read." But that's as far as it went.

Heidi said...

It's so important to make time for the things that make you you. I would suggest buying one of those bike carts. Your kids would love it and you have such beautiful scenery around you to make you feel inspired. Kaitlin could eventually ride next to you. Then you would be being a good mom and enjoying something you love AND getting in a little exercise at the same time.

Christina said...

I do love Chiyo and Gershwin. I know what you mean about missing your former self. Although you'd never give up motherhood, sometimes you wonder where you went. It's so easy to lose yourself in your children. I hope to strike a balance someday soon.

Melissa said...

In my memory/imagination, I used to fill my days doing nothing at all. I'm pretty sure that's not accurate.

Have you read Beth Ann Fennelly's poetry? I can always find time to read one poem, but then I need a while to digest it before I can make time for another one. :)

Brock and Tyra said...

I miss you too. Not just your former self but the one that lives today. Wish you were around more!

Michelle W. Nate said...

I agree totally. Some day maybe I will find where my former self disappeared to. Oh, I remember the Chiyo days...ballroom dancing...ahhh! Thanks for letting me reminisce the good ol' days.

Anonymous said...

You can buy a book of Gershwin's song transcriptions for the piano and play them! If you got classical training that means you can use that to read pretty much anything. If you had learned just one Gershwin piece, that might be limiting. It's still in you, just get a score and off you go! Best wishes, TH, (mom of three and still playing)